We Don’t Owe You Sex

Image Credit: cobblucas via flickr.com

I was going to start a post about the Ohio Rape Trial and how it’s so important that we teach our daughters to not put themselves in situations where they can be taken advantage of. Then, I began to read more. I read more articles, more comments. The conversation wanted to start making me vomit.

People, so many people- are jumping at the bit, justifying rape at the expense of the victim.

She didn’t say no soon enough. She was a tease. She dressed a certain way. She hung out in the wrong venue. She put herself in a bad position (drinking, drugs).

Here’s the thing I’m hearing here:

Women are walking around, available to screw any time a guy wants to. UNLESS she says no.

Well. Here’s a newsflash. Women are NOT here to be used for sex. We don’t owe it to anyone. It’s not an expected thing that we are just going to do for anyone, regardless of how we dress, how we act, how we smell, or where we are. Just like I don’t get to walk up to a guy, shove him over on a park bench and go at it because, well… you know… he didn’t say no. Obviously, I wouldn’t need to ASK him, proposition him, or anything like that. He’s standing there, he looks hot- maybe he’s wearing tight pants with a few buttons undone on his shirt. Maybe he winked at me. So, I’m just entitled to have my way with him, right? And if he objects too late… well. That’s really HIS fault.

I’m sure someone is sitting there thinking “what guy turns down sex”, but I’m asking you to let go of the horse crap you’ve been fed your entire life about people and sex. Here’s the nitty gritty when it comes to that-

Sometimes, guys don’t want sex either. Sometimes they don’t want it right then. Sometimes they don’t want it with THAT woman.

Get the mental picture of some model-esq woman seducing a guy out of your mind and imagine if you’d feel the same way with a 300 pound woman with facial hairĀ  and perhaps some massive back acne. Obviously, either case is wrong. However, I’m betting that more people are able to clearly object to the obese persons unwanted sexual activity before the model. It doesn’t matter what they look like. It doesn’t matter if they acted sexually approachable.

No means NO, and stop means STOP regardless of whether it happens to a man or a woman. If it’s wrong for a woman to ignore a mans repeated expressions of NO, the same goes for a woman.

I get that self control is hard. I can’t imagine how hard it would be, to in the middle of an act- have to immediately stop. Just because it’s hard for you to do that, doesn’t mean that the woman has to lay there and take it. Your need for sexual relief doesn’t override her right to consent. EVER. And vice versa.

No person deserves to have themselves violated. I don’t care if the person is a legitimate prostitute, whore, or village slut. You still need to obtain consent. A persons inebriation is not an invitation to use them without consent. These are people, not blow up dolls. I don’t care if a person is completely naked. Naked does not equal an immediate right to enter them. Do you get where I’m going with this?

You don’t have a right to stick you genitals anywhere, or enter any other persons genitals- without consent.

That’s it. That’s all there is to it. There is no justification for it without it. It is not the fault of the person to whom you committed those acts. It’s your responsibility. It’s your own fault if you cannot stop, or force yourself without consent. We have to stop condoning the idea that it is anything BUT.


Image Credit: cobblucas via flickr.com

4 Responses to We Don’t Owe You Sex

  1. Jessie says:

    To add to that…when the consent is given under heavy influence of alcohol or drugs, use your head. Be a gentle-person. Don’t be a dick.

  2. Carolyn says:

    Very close to home…I wrote a stitch on my blog last night. The rape case blogs, that I’ve been reading, one of them I guess all of them, but the last one) triggered me to recall and finally let go of being raped when I was 4. I was raped at 14, and I had already let that one go. Funny how its harder to let go of the things that happened during the baby/preschool years than it is from when we were teens. Sex is not an obligation. That’s a beautiful message! And, Adam is the first man I’ve ever been with who has turned ME down when I wanted sex and he didn’t. I had to learn to respect HIS needs as well as my own when we began our relationship.

  3. I wholeheartedly agree with this!

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